you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize