I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
