Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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