Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize