So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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