just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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