your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
