So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
