Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do herpes really smell.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
