I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
