Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
