So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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