They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
