had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize