Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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