once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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