From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
