It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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