Well douche your snatch and let's go!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
