I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this hospital has no fireball
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
