Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
