So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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