Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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