So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
