Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
