i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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