Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
