It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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