mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize