ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
