If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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