I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
