im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
