listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
