There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
