I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
