even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
