ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
