every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
