So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
