maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
