My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
