Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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