I wish you could order shots online.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
