there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
