officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
