I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
