I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize