I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
