"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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