My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
