You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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