you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
