Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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