so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
