he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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