we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
