She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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