i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
