Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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