no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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