I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
