"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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