Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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