So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
