i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
