I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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