I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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