Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
