I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize