weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
