The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
