By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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