I bet he comes in French.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize