is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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