I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize