a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Text me some of your sweat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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