left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
