I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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