i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize